Saturday, October 3, 2009


As your courtship progresses it is important to find where each of you stand on various issues. These may either be things that one of you has “a conviction” on, or these may just be things that you need to be sure you are of one mind in.

Here are some examples of issues that should be discussed during courtship:

Debt—What does the Bible say about debt? Are there positive uses of debt? What kinds of debt are acceptable? What do each of you do currently to stay out of debt, and how will you handle debt in the future?

Finances—how will the finances be handled? Will you have a commitment to save? Who will be in charge of finances/paperwork? How with tithe and giving be handled? Which of the two of you is the spender? Which is the saver? When there is a conflict over money, what steps will be taken to resolution?

Birth Control—does either of you have scriptural objections to all/some kinds of birth control? If the restrictions are Biblical share the verses, if they are personal explore the reason. Are there certain circumstances where birth control is acceptable? What are they?

Decisions—will your family follow egalitarian or headship/submission model of marriage? What are your scriptural reasons for choosing this model? If you do egalitarian who will make the final call in a tough decision? If you follow headship/submission what checks and balances should the husband follow in order to be a servant leader?

Discipline—When children come along, how will the discipline be handled? Compare the models of discipline that each of you had growing up. What portions will you imitate? What things will you do differently? Will the responsibility for discipline be shared, or fall primarily to one of you? How will discipline be administered? What circumstances? What is the ultimate goal of discipline? What forms of discipline will be unacceptable?

Entertainment—What are the family standards for entertainment? What criteria will be used to filter evil things out—both for parents and children? What forms of entertainment are unacceptable? What forms of entertainment are good?

Extended Family—how will family relationships (parents, grandparents, siblings, etc.) be handled so that you are both your own couple but also include them in your lives? When there is a conflict between your desires as a couple, and the desires of your extended family what steps will be taken to resolve the conflict? What boundaries will you set around each other? What about holidays?

There are plenty more topics that should be discussed, but these are the biggest ones that come to mind. Some of these make more sense to discuss a few months into the courtship, after you have both spent some time growing closer and studying the Bible together. All of them, however, are potential areas of contention and should be discussed well before marriage.

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